The Element

has you ever thought clearly what you want in your life?
have you ever analyzed reasons behind the profession you have taken up?
have you ever mistaken the question of what you want with what you do not want?
have you ever thought of old ages?
how often the idea of your old age is accompanied with fear and worrisome?
what is the thought that follows it? is it either of:
I don't want to be nobody
I don't want to to be lonely
I don't want to be poor or miserable, or needy

It struck me this very morning when I was helplessly looking for an answer to this none ending tick behind my brain, what do I want in life, and I miserably am only able to think either about material things I want now and in future or about the feelings I do not want to experience in near or far future. How far have I gone in pursuit of a profession to empower me to gain and acquire a dream materialistic life? How deep am I drowned in doing what it takes to look after the fear; the fear of unknown, the fear of unexperienced, the fear of future, the fear of possible unpleasant feelings yet to be experienced? When did it happen? When did I totally stopped dreaming? when did I start to vegetate instead of living?
I am an engineer, this is what I do for a living, this is what I do 80% of my waking hours, this is me. Why did I become engineer? I liked it! Do you believe me? I wish I could also fool you that I truly loved it, as easy as I fooled myself! The truth is I did enjoy it more than the other options I had, I chose by elimination among the few options I had, and not by creation of new options of what I loved. I chose the one thing that seemed pretty interesting and yet could take me where I wanted to go: "to become somebody". I used to brag about it, that I have the guts and desire to be somebody; this morning I realized how inferior I though of myself when I tasked myself to be somebody. You know why? because it means I had accepted my being nobody, it is only when you are nobody that you wish for being somebody. I know at least of one person close to me who decided not to go to university; we all blames her for ruining her future; back then we missed to realize that she did no need to build or ruin a future, she did not need a future at all, she had present, she had today, she was living in "NOW". She was somebody in her world, she did not need to become one. She did not need to do or to have something to enjoy life; it was joyful already. But after all these years, I am still in the dilemma of finding what do I want to become and what I should do to achieve it.

For a long time, everything looked pretty all right, I was doing a good job, with dedication, passion, good sense of responsibility and prospect of rewarding career in my field, till I came to this book "the element" by Ken Robinson. I only took it up because of Steven Covey's comment at the back side of book cover:
"the element offers life-altering insight about the discovery of your true self"
and it did the job for me, I realized that element is not what you do or should do for the sake of outcome, be fame or fortune; element is what you do for the sake of the thing itself. Element is the essence of life, the very life itself, it is the reason you are alive, it is all that matters.
How many authors do you know who decided to be writer to make money? how many musicians? artists? And let's be honest, how many engineers, doctors, lawyers and businessmen do you know who irrespective of the reward will do his job faithfully and lovingly, and at the end will just be contented doing it, because that is what he wants to do.
Let's embrace the ugly truth, we have traded our dreams, I sold mine cheap.