The untold (2)

It does not matter what you may think of me, saying this.
It does not mater how do you take it.
It does not matter if it scares the hell out of you, so what next.
It does not matter that you don't even believe in this fancy, I don't either.
It does not matter that you will tell yourself, this will also pass by like all the rest, sure it will.
It does not matter that there might be no future, it never meant to be.

But I still want to say: I think I am experiencing it again, I am feeling it again and I am sensing it again: there is someone in my life; and do not take me wrong, as I am not engaged or committed! Frankly, I hate the conditioning of mind created by the social networks. All it takes as your status are: single, engaged, committed or married. Well, the nomenclature is alright and you may use or ignore it, but the meaning it implies is out-dated and useless; trying to frame your status into phrases that were created 2000 years ago and could best fit the needs of people in those eras. Anyhow, I am not going into philosophy of the matter today, to the contrary I am more entangled with the feeling side of it, at least for today.

What matters to me is to get to know that it can happen! It can happen to me, to you, to everybody, that after all the trauma, all the failed relation, all the suffering, all the sleeplessness, all the helplessness and despair, we are still able to fall in love. We are still able to voice out the word "love" lightly and cheerfully, without its heavy weight on our heart, body and mind. We are still able to wake up one more day, open our eyes and the first thought of the day or conscious image of the mind be our someone, and not our direct reporting line, supervisor or potential client.

What matters to me is that despite all the effort to transform myself to a robot, in order to feel nothing, to need nothing, and to want nothing but material; I am still a human. I still need caring, intimacy, and affection. I feel I am still alive.

Lastly, what matters the most, is that the specie of my kind has not gone instinct! Not yet. There are people out there whom are of the kind, taste, orientation and style that I like and to more precise, I love. There are people out there who can invite you out for dinner and return you home hungry cause they are unable to find the suitable place to eat and yet you will accept their second dinner offer cause the first one was quite fun. There are people out there who will take you out for coffee and while leaving coffee table, you notice two untouched cups of coffee on the table; apparently, you forgot to drink the coffee though it smelled great, simply because the talk was far more intriguing. There are people out there who do not know the proper use of "love you" or "thank you" cause they do not need to utter it; it is in their eyes. There are people out there whom do not use words to describe themselves, cause there are no words for that matter; they give time to you to use your own discretion and get to know them and decide for yourself to like it or not.

What a relief that there are still my species living on this planet earth breathing the same air, sleeping under the roof of the same sky and walking on the same ground. What a relief that I can wake up one more day and tell myself: I still can fall in love.