The untold

On of the serious problems I have always had and have is “the untold”; the things I want to say but I do not say, the stories I have but do not find the right ears to tell them, the ideas that have filled in my mind and I can’t find the opportunity to share them.
Is this my problem or others also have it? Why is that I cannot seem to be getting along with it as easy as others do? I have convinced myself that I am the only human being that has this problem, aren’t I? Let me put it this way, either people do not have this kind of thoughts that I have or they do not feel the need to share it. I wish I could have either of these two categories: not to have anything to say or even better not to be in need of saying them. I have many friends and I credit myself as a good listener; at least as quoted by my friends. I can talk with people in any circumstance, I can listen to them and reflect, I can engage in discussions and actively participate in almost any debate; I am good at it but then I have no memory, at least in recent years, of having called someone to say: “I have something to talk about, a problem to solve, a feeling to overcome or simply a frustration or anxiety that I just need to shout out”. I do not do this because I am hopeless; I have lost all my hope to be heard, understood and felt. Maybe my expectations are too high!
Why and why I am unable to find the right one? Frankly, this is not the question that is killing me; my deep worry is that why nobody seems to be having a problem finding someone to talk to but me! Why do people get along each other so well, but I get bored? I just feel they do not understand me whereas they all seem to be coherently living and understanding each other perfectly well.
Why do I find it all superficial? Why and why do I need depth? I just thought maybe they have different viewpoints and I am stubborn in accepting any other view point but then let’s be honest, people talk but do they really have viewpoint? How many people do we know that have a stand about different matters in life, or have spent time to think about life, life matters and their meaning? How many people do we know who think?

To add to the misery, I am a girl! How does it contribute to the problem? Well, I know of many men who think and fewer women who do so; and please do not challenged me on this as we have successfully found ways to stop women from thinking of anything but their weight, loneliness and commitments. Anyhow those few intellectual men that happened to come into my way, have more interest in sexuality that intellectuality, so I am deprived to a small group of girls who are still lost in between office dress code and night gowns and I helplessly am looking for an answer to all my “why”s?