It is that we do not care?
Is it that there is nothing to care about?
Or we try not to care about?
Or we learn not to care about?
What a long way I have come to learn to hide it all! I tried to remember the day the journey began but I am thinking what does it matter anyway! Perhaps someone hurt me and I shielded my pride by not showing it, this way only my feeling was hurt and my pride was well preserved; amazing strategy! No-one will know out there what is going inside here, my projections are what I am willing to be, strong, unbreakable, untouchable.
I have truly lost it! I am not feeling pain, nor sorrow and with it I feel less of excitement and enthusiasm. I guess I have killed it all, the portion of brain that looks after the feelings, sensations, and love. I didn't want to kill it all, just wanted to erase the need for love, the urge to be cared for and the desire to be looked after, what a fool I was to perceive that it is possible. After all I managed to suppress it all together, all that we classify under the generic word "feeling", I am stripped of most manly needs and along with it most manly feelings.
Yet, from time to time I think I am maturing or to be more precise I am "aging"; I am somehow caring less and consequently I will be cared for less. After all, we are subject to natural laws; we learn from experiences and experiences tell us when we cared, we were hurt so why do it again. Am I being pestilent or simply considering worst case scenario to protect myself form the unknown?
I just miss the feeling of being cared for ...
I miss it so badly ...
