As we mature

It is that we do not care?
Is it that there is nothing to care about?
Or we try not to care about?
Or we learn not to care about?

What a long way I have come to learn to hide it all! I tried to remember the day the journey began but I am thinking what does it matter anyway! Perhaps someone hurt me and I shielded my pride by not showing it, this way only my feeling was hurt and my pride was well preserved; amazing strategy! No-one will know out there what is going inside here, my projections are what I am willing to be, strong, unbreakable, untouchable.

 I have truly lost it! I am not feeling pain, nor sorrow and with it I feel less of excitement and enthusiasm. I guess I have killed it all, the portion of brain that looks after the feelings, sensations, and love. I didn't want to kill it all, just wanted to erase the need for love, the urge to be cared for and the desire to be looked after, what a fool I was to perceive that it is possible. After all I managed to suppress it all together, all that we classify under the generic word "feeling", I am stripped of most manly needs and along with it most manly feelings.

 Yet, from time to time I think I am maturing or to be more precise I am "aging"; I am somehow caring less and consequently I will be cared for less. After all, we are subject to natural laws; we learn from experiences and experiences tell us when we cared, we were hurt so why do it again. Am I being pestilent or simply considering worst case scenario to protect myself form the unknown?

I just miss the feeling of being cared for ...
I miss it so badly ...