Boss-Employee syndrome

Do I know what my boss thinks?

Of course I do! That is what I am being paid for, to understand what my boss thinks, to know what he wants of me and to have it done as per his expectations.

Do I know what my peers think?

I assume I do! That is how I survive and get promoted, by knowing what they think and what they are planning to accomplish, so that I can, at least, be in sync, or probably outperform them and definitely neutralize their plots to outperform me! (I am being honest in here)

Do I know my subordinates?

No, it is not my job to get to know them! It is their responsibility to fulfill their tasks as per my expectation!

Unfortunately my subconscious fools me by telling me that I understand my team members and I mean those who directly report to me. I have this false belief that I know what they think, what they want, what they will do in a certain situation and how they play games on me and the company. In fact, this is a dangerous though, cause I actually have no idea how a junior or even a senior engineer may be thinking today, I was down there ten years ago and I have a faint memory of how I thought, but it is not vivid. Thought patterns do not create vivid memories. Besides, I am not a fool to trust memories that cannot be verified with an external reference. Memory is the biggest magician of all times, it is creative and unlimited.

Anyhow, my daily struggle is to overcome this false belief I have that I understand team members. I can’t claim that I have done a good job in this perspective. Time and again I find myself surprised by the action and reactions of my engineers. I am surprised because I didn't imagine they could think and act in that manner.

In this foggy, unclear situation, I am amazed by the naive, insincere and awkward reactions of my team quite frequently and yet it is disturbing. It is disturbing when I conclude that someone is pretending to be busy working, it is disturbing when someone is safeguarding oneself only without caring for the company, it is disturbing when deep down they think I am an idiot but they smile into my face, it is disturbing that they hate me and are sacred but have to abide happily.

This is Asia after all, with the major issues we all have faced. Firstly, people are not very expressive, they hardly talk about their concerns and personal issues at work, and if they tend to talk, it is indirect and in a context. One has to spend extra time and effort to decipher the messages they are implying. Secondly, people are submissive. Passive aggression is epidemic and yet no one talks about it as a serious issue. Usually people follow orders timidly and quietly. Hardly any questions are raised about the objectives and the reasons behind a specific task. But then if something goes wrong and you question them about their reasons behind their conduct, the passive aggression shows its ugly face. They get agitated, nervous, angry, sensitive, irritated, and impulsive and they tend to justify. Clarification, explanation, description, and reasoning do not happen. It is simple, I did what I was asked to do.

In this dynamics of deceit, tricks, implications, contexts, survival tactics, and a degree of competitiveness, I get lost to a point of frustration. No matter how much I try to penetrate through the barriers, no matter how much I try to explain, no matter how much I try to come to mutual agreements, no matter how much I give room and space for differences; the outcome is usually the same: I can’t change people!