Guilt

When was the last time you felt guilty? As for me it was this morning.
-So you are going?
-I am thinking about it.
-Then I better do not get emotionally attached to you.
-Well, going or not going you were not supposed to get emotionally attached, that was the deal.

And then there was this rush of emptiness into my heart. Is this my mistake? Did I cause him to feel in this way? Did I miscommunicate my intentions? Am I to be held responsible for his sad feelings? I don't even know if he is feeling sad, I just presume it and feel bad for having inflicted pain on someone else! I really feel like being a torturer and this makes me feel extremely bad about myself, somewhat miserable and unworthy!
I am very upfront and outspoken in my feelings and perceptions of the moment. I think I leave no room for second messages or untold part of the story for the other person to go and dig out.  But people tend to make their stories and worst story is when someone thinks that we mutually enjoy the moment. If I enjoy time spent with someone then I will try doing it more often, if I am not after someone to meet then it has only one meaning: I am better off without. Men think I am a girl and must be asked out, cause I will not do it myself and women think that I am in need of company and attention but not comfortable asking for it. In either case, these are all implications, based on which people actually make decisions and act upon them. One way or the other I find myself in awkward situations that I do not know what to do about. 
Then there are situations where someone starts to show interest and get emotionally attached, which is freaking scary. The moment someone of either sexes shows extra attention, all my receptive sensors start to scream out loud: watch out, danger zone. I have developed a sense of weariness for excessive attention or caring. I think it comes at a price, no one will pour kind attention at you without expectations of some kind. Some want attention in return, some want exclusiveness, some want sex, some want admiration, some want help, and the list can go on, but for sure, kindness without expectation of return, of any kind, is a fairy tale and I do not believe in it. Time will show how and when the other person will cash out what is being invested today.
One might say, so what! Let expectations grow, a mere expectation does not impose responsibility of fulfilling that expectation, but then some people can’t let their investment go down the drain and will use all methods to cash it our back, even at the expense of imposing guilt on you, and this is the category that I am the most confronted with, out of my sheer bad luck.

The guilt imposed and the consequent void in my heart is so painful that makes me stay away from mankind altogether. Even the idea of it can hurt, and so I am always so clear and upfront that no emotional attachment, please if you may! and yet life does not stop to surprise us.